Forgiveness Is the Key

Sometimes we believe that certain injustices are beyond forgiveness, that the wrongs we have experienced or that the people who have hurt us don't deserve to be forgiven. I love this quote by Corrie ten Boom, and I love her heart. Although she witnessed horrible and violent treatment, to herself and others, she still chose to forgive. She reminds us, even today, that forgiveness is a powerful tool to heal the heart of the wounded.

This is definitely worth remembering when we consider our own marriages and the relationships we have with those around us. Because the truth is: we all need to extend and receive forgiveness.

I hope that today you receive grace and forgiveness for the wrongs you have done to others and that you also extend grace and forgiveness to those who have hurt you. So that you may be free from slavery to bitterness, hatred, selfishness, and resentment.

A Forever Composed of "Nows"

I love this quote by Emily Dickinson, especially in relationship to marriage. It is a fantastic reminder that the wonderful, forever marriage we all long for is not something that just magically appears. It is a result of how we spend our "now's". It encourages us to consider, "How am I using the time I have right now?", because now is what matters.

 If it is the small moments, the large moments, and all of the moments in-between that build forever, how do we practically use those moments to build something wonderful?

Some ideas that come to mind (and remember many of these are simple because all it takes is just a moment) are as follows:

smile

hold his hand

say "I love you"

forgive

send an encouraging text message

 ask how you can help him

spend some quality time with him after he comes home from work

show grace

thank him for something he has done

What are some things you do for your spouse to help build a "forever" that is wonderful? I would love to hear.

A Beautiful Wife

Currently I am in Bible study with 5 wonderful ladies. The study we are doing is about intimacy in marriage, did you know they have Bible studies about this? Recently our study was aimed toward exposing the lies that we believe about ourselves, or about sex, that impact the intimacy we have with our husbands. It was surprising to realize that almost all of these women, who are each very beautiful, believed the lie that they were not attractive and therefore not worthy of love. I guess this should not have come as a surprise, as we are constantly being exposed to advertisements, commercials, movies, etc. that lead us to believe that in order to be beautiful you must look a certain way, have a certain body, dress in the most current fashion, and the list goes on and on.

This lie does not just impact us, it also impacts our marriage. It causes us to put up a wall between us and our spouse, limiting the deep bond we could have with them as our friend. So then, if this is a lie we are all quickly becoming enslaved to, what is the truth?

The truth is, regardless of what society tells us, true beauty comes from the inside.

Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in Gods sight is very precious. I Peter 3:3-4

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14

So do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  2 Corinthians 4:16

Ladies, I know we all desire to have a beautiful outward appearance but don't let your desire for beauty stop there.  Because, although it was probably your outward beauty that drew your fiance or spouse to you in the beginning, it is who you are on the inside that has truly captivated him!

You are beautiful.

Embracing God's Plan

A few years ago my husband received a letter in the mail from a cousin and his wife. They explained in the letter how their daughter of 17 had left home. She ran away in the middle of the night and after a few hours of searching was found at a friends house, but refused to come back home with them. In secret she had already arranged for her grandparents, from another state, to pick her up and take her to live with them. All of this came as a huge shock and their story was heartbreaking. They were devastated at the loss of their daughter, confused by the circumstances, and felt helpless in their effort to mend their relationship with her.

That same weekend I was reminded of a passage in Joel 2 where Joel was describing the horrible effects of the locust plague. The locusts had covered the land and devoured the crops. There was nothing left to eat or any way to replant what had been taken. The situation looked hopeless.

Then God began to speak by saying: "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten....You will have plenty to eat, until you are full" (Joel 2:25-26)

This passage offered so much hope for our family and their circumstance. None of us know how long their relationship will be severed by the hurts that they have all experienced, but when healing does come, God is able to restore it and bless it with something greater than what they had before.

If God can take a huge devastation, as we saw Him do in Joel and turn it around to a time of plenty, He can do the same in our lives, in our relationships, and in our marriages. He is a Specialist at making something useful and beautiful out of something broken and confused. 

The truth is - marriage is the union of  two broken people. Neither of us is perfect, and for that reason, our marriage will never be perfect. The best thing we can do is lay aside the false picture of perfection we created and embrace Gods plan. I am positive that it is greater and more beautiful than anything we could make or dream on our own. In the process He will continue to bring oneness, despite our brokenness.

Blessings,

Angie

What's Down In the Well

"What's down in the well, comes up in the bucket" is a simple little phrase, believed to first be said by a farmer in the 1800's.  It may be short and simple, but this phrase carries a lot of meaning.  We can use it as an analogy to the condition of our heart.  If we fill our heart with bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. then those things will be expressed in our actions and our speech.  This same piece of knowledge was given in  Proverbs 23:7 when it says "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he."

In studying "Oneness in Marriage" the past few weeks I have seen a common thread that has peaked my interest.  Comments such as: "change the way you think", "think like a married person and you'll probably begin to feel like one", and "think on things you can rejoice about in your spouse" all made me begin to wonder, "how important are my thoughts, really?".

The Bible has a lot to say about our thoughts, here are a few:

Romans 12:2 "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God".

1 Corinthians 10:5 "casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,"

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report.  If there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - think on these things"

So, going back to those statements listed above, what are some practical ways for us think positively as we focus on having a healthy, happy marriages?

1: Think like a married person.
Our first identity, as a married person, is the wife of _____.  Our main identity is no longer "the daughter of _____, the friend of _____, the employee of _____, the mother of _____, etc.  For years I did not (and still struggle to) think of myself this way.  

Many times in marriage we have a tendency to hold our husbands down by scrutinizing them underneath everyone else's standards.  Would that be the decision "they would make" or would "they do it this way".   This type of thinking hinders our husbands from being the leaders of our homes and make them subject under the standard and priority of everyone and everything else.  That type of scrutiny is not healthy in any relationship, much less a marriage. 

2.  Think on things you can rejoice about in your spouse.
What are those things that your husband is good at?  What  does he do that you appreciate?  Does he go outside of his comfort zone to help you with things you ask of him?  Make it a priority to focus on the good things and voice your thankfulness to him for those things.  

We all have a tendency to keep score....why not keep score of the good things!

3. Bring every thought captive.
Choose to have a more positive perspective.  Many times we tend to think the worst, let's start believing the best of our spouses intentions.  Choosing to have a more positive perspective reflects the heart of God and shows love to our spouse.

 I don't want the bucket to be put down into the well of my thoughts and brought up only to find mud, muck, and unhealthy water.  I wish the same for you. The first step to purifying the water in our wells is to remove all trash from the life giving source for our marriages.

I encourage you to think on the positive, I will do the same.