"What's down in the well, comes up in the bucket" is a simple little phrase, believed to first be said by a farmer in the 1800's. It may be short and simple, but this phrase carries a lot of meaning. We can use it as an analogy to the condition of our heart. If we fill our heart with bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. then those things will be expressed in our actions and our speech. This same piece of knowledge was given in Proverbs 23:7 when it says "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he."
In studying "Oneness in Marriage" the past few weeks I have seen a common thread that has peaked my interest. Comments such as: "change the way you think", "think like a married person and you'll probably begin to feel like one", and "think on things you can rejoice about in your spouse" all made me begin to wonder, "how important are my thoughts, really?".
The Bible has a lot to say about our thoughts, here are a few:
Romans 12:2 "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God".
1 Corinthians 10:5 "casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,"
Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report. If there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - think on these things"
So, going back to those statements listed above, what are some practical ways for us think positively as we focus on having a healthy, happy marriages?
1: Think like a married person.
Our first identity, as a married person, is the wife of _____. Our main identity is no longer "the daughter of _____, the friend of _____, the employee of _____, the mother of _____, etc. For years I did not (and still struggle to) think of myself this way.
Many times in marriage we have a tendency to hold our husbands down by scrutinizing them underneath everyone else's standards. Would that be the decision "they would make" or would "they do it this way". This type of thinking hinders our husbands from being the leaders of our homes and make them subject under the standard and priority of everyone and everything else. That type of scrutiny is not healthy in any relationship, much less a marriage.
2. Think on things you can rejoice about in your spouse.
What are those things that your husband is good at? What does he do that you appreciate? Does he go outside of his comfort zone to help you with things you ask of him? Make it a priority to focus on the good things and voice your thankfulness to him for those things.
We all have a tendency to keep score....why not keep score of the good things!
3. Bring every thought captive.
Choose to have a more positive perspective. Many times we tend to think the worst, let's start believing the best of our spouses intentions. Choosing to have a more positive perspective reflects the heart of God and shows love to our spouse.
I don't want the bucket to be put down into the well of my thoughts and brought up only to find mud, muck, and unhealthy water. I wish the same for you. The first step to purifying the water in our wells is to remove all trash from the life giving source for our marriages.
I encourage you to think on the positive, I will do the same.
